Wednesday, October 9, 2013

Black and White Wednesday ~ More

This mothering thing, as we all know, is all sorts of hard. And all kinds of wonderful. I've been a mom for 26 years. I've loved being a mom for 26 years. It's the piece of me that I know the best. That I feel I've lived the best. Oh sure...not perfectly. But wholly. Happily.

I was pretty sure, as my kids were finishing high school that I was doing a great job at the letting go part of mothering. I thought...hmmm...this isn't so bad. My daughter lived away from home for a few years. Then she got married. My son lived at home on and off through college. Now he's finished with that, and working sixty-plus hours a week. Point is...they're both really on their own now. And my husband and I have settled pretty easily into this stage of our lives.

Well, maybe that's not the point. Or, not today's point. Today These past few days I have been stunned by how acutely I'm feeling the loss. Not the loss of my kids...exactly. I mean, the boy kid still technically lives here - though I rarely see him. And I talk to the girl every day. More than once. No, I think some of what I'm feeling is the loss of the role. A purposelessness. Like I'm looking to situate myself, and not quite finding a place.

I'm also feeling the loss of 'spiritual community' ...we all went to church together for many years, and it was a strong bond between us and a part of our lives. It's been a few years since you could call any of us regular church goers. And, while I think our reasons for this are understandable, it's hard to loose this connection ... both between us and with a spiritual community that we can love and trust.

So, in this 'letting go' season, I'm going to be breathing in the crisp air. Walking. Praying. Watching the colorful leaves float to the ground. Taking lots of pictures of all the leaves that are floating to the ground. Taking each day as it comes....aware that these feelings will pass. And blessings will come to fill the corners of a heart that's longing for...well, more.

My Memory Art
Please share your black and white photos 
here with me today!


  1. Our son is 15 and he may live with us for a while because he has autism but I am not looking forward to the day he moves out.Our family of three is pretty close.

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  3. I can relate to this, to being so wrapped up in mothering that it is my identity. But I know there will be other adventures for you, too. And gorgeous pictures!

  4. What a lovely post. You have expressed your sentiments so eloquently. Love the photo of your children.

  5. Loving and letting have expressed it beautifully!! I take comfort in knowing I did a good job and that I am a better wife now!!

  6. I understand that feeling of loss, even as it comes when your children have essentially already gone on to live their own lives. There is a finality to it and you just can't predict when it will come. But there it is.

    This time of transition will maybe be difficult on some days, but then you'll find that you are on the other side of it, standing firm in a new chapter, loving those amazing adults you raised and marveling at how special they are.

    Blessings to you on this part of your journey!

  7. It's hard to let hard. Hopefully you will have some grandchildren in the future to play your new role. We are always mothers and our children are our heart. Hugs.

  8. Hugs across the distance. There is nothing I have done in my lifetime that I value as much as my role as mom. Most important work I ever did with the best results if you ask me! Much as I love the opportunities each one of them has there is an undeniable dull ache in my heart for the days when we were all under one roof. And you nailed it with the church thing. It was so much a part of how we raised them that sitting in the pew just the two of us now, I feel their absence acutely.