Thursday, March 1, 2012

Less Guilt In My Bigger Picture, Please


I haven't cooked dinner in almost a week.
Did the dishes last night for the first time in a week.
Haven't been on a walk for a week.
Missed two and a half days of work.
Cancelled a long over due and much wanted dinner with a friend from my old neighborhood.
Cancelled a book club meeting.
Cancelled a scrapbooking workshop.
Couldn't make it to church to hear a dear friend speak.
I've been sick.
And that's my guilt list.
{part of it - I won't bore you with the whole thing}
Just getting sick makes me feel guilty - surely I could have slept more, washed my hands more,
eaten more anti-oxidants, been in better shape, avoided more children
or washed my hands even more.
Surely I could have avoided getting sick in the first place.
And then there's the letting down of the masses.
{can you hear the dramatic music?}
Even as I type this I feel ridiculous.
~~~~~
I stood at the edge of this snowy pond after work yesterday ~
Longing to be on a walk in the snow
but knowing that would be foolish.
I just stood there.
Breathing in the fresh air.
So still.
So quiet.
And I realized something.
There were no old tapes playing in my mind.
The voice of reason and the grace of God were actually more real
to me in that moment
than the burden of unnecessary guilt.
~~~~~
You know those moments when you catch a glimpse of that person
you know you can be...
those moments when a part of yourself that you don't like so much
and you've tried to "change"
seems long gone, wholly new, honestly different?
This was one of those moments.
And the good news is
I seem to be having more and more of them.

 


                                                    

Seeing the Bigger Picture through Simple Moments.
Linking up at Sarah's today.

9 comments:

May said...

Yeah! A battle won?! I say battle because these things tend to be a war. But every battle won brings you closer to victory!

The photos are so lovely.

Nessa Bixler said...

Oh... you shouldn't feel guilty. And as I say that I am the queen of guilt. Why do we beat ourselves up? Being nicer to ourselves seems so hard - until we get good at. Here is to being better at being better to ourselves.

ayala said...

Dear Adrienne,
This sounded a lot like when I was depressed and I didn't want to see anyone or do anything. Don't feel guilty for getting sick, you need to be kinder to yourself. Every day you get a new begining so tomorrow morning embrace yourself and think of all the wonderful things that you are. I hope you enjoy your time with your dad this weekend. Take care. Xo.

Allison said...

I love the photos. Please treat yourself with the love the Creator pours into you.

Claire {Beaktweets} said...

yay! that's a big step. i can certainly relate to all the guilt- i've felt it way too much these last few weeks. it's such a good feeling when you can accept that you just can't do it all.

Jade @ Tasting Grace said...

No reason to feel guilty when you're sick! Your health is important and you need to take care to make sure you don't get even more sick. I'm sure everyone knows just how much you ARE there for them every other day. I'm sure they'd all prefer you to be healthy. And of course EVERYONE gets sick. Doesn't matter how many times you wash your hands. It happens. Let it be and take this time to rest and get back to good health.

Dianna said...

Your photos are beautiful.
I've been sick this week too, and although it hasn't stopped me, it's definitely slowed me down.
Hope you're better soon! And don't feel guilty: no one chooses to get sick...

alita jewel said...

I feel guilt when I'm sick, too.

Hyacynth said...

Oh, Adrienne, yes. I know those moments. They are far and few in between these days ... but in His mercy when I have them, I feel so revived and refreshed and like maybe, just maybe, one day ... it's all about growing, isn't it. Lovely moment!