Black & White Wednesdays ~ Another Story

"Let the rain kiss you.

Let the rain beat upon your head

with silver liquid drops.

Let the rain sing you a lullaby."
Langston Hughs

I don't know how they know to follow, but they do.

They know to stay huddled close to each other, and close to mom and dad, and follow closely through the water. When dad digs his beak into the muddy pond floor to stir up food, they know to nibble and nourish themselves. When mom climbs to the shore and settles down to rest, they know to climb out and nestle in beside her. They know to settle down, smushed all together along one side of mama's long body, and rest. The family rests and papa stands guard. Stays alert. 

They're quite a team, these new parents. When one is occupied with the littles, the other is watching. Watching for signs of danger. For predators. They stick close together and work to nourish and protect. 

I stood under the trees, while a light rain fell, for several hours on Sunday. I marveled at the instincts, the know how. How seamlessly mom and dad navigated the parental waters. How easily the babes followed along. Part of me identified with the ease and simplicity of it all. Motherhood fit me. Came naturally. 

Until it didn't. Until those moments when I was unsure. Didn't know what to say, what to do ... where to lead the littles. Until those moments when I questioned myself, questioned their dad. Somehow, amidst the questions, we found enough answers and found our way. 

Standing in the rain, alone with my thoughts and memories, I felt so blessed. Sometimes the small storms that came blowing trough our lives came with rain that kissed us gently. Sometimes it beat down on us. Sometimes it sang us a lullaby. Whatever the case, we learned to swim together. When it was easy and when it was rough... 

Through it all, we find strength as a family. And keep on swimming.

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Black & White Wednesdays ~ Humility

I'll never forget the first moment when my perspective shifted. That moment when I first knew, as a young teenager that I was NOT, in fact, the center of the universe. I was standing along side some temple ruins on a hilltop in Greece, looking out at the most spectacular vista I had ever witnessed. And I knew in an instant that I was little more than dust in the wind. The odd thing about the shift was that this understanding of how infinitesimally small I was compared to the expanse of all space and time, filled me NOT with a sense of INsignificance, but with a sense of purpose. Of destiny. And of importance.

As I look back on my life since that moment, it is the things that renew this humility deep inside of me that also fill me with the most gratitude. Having had the chance to live over seas, to make my home in a 'foreign' land, is one such experience. It's not the simple, day to day "humiliations" that made this journey such a rich one...though there are plenty of those when you choose to live life while speaking a foreign language in a far off land. No. It is the lesson I learned repeatedly while in Europe: there's no one right way. We have a tendency, perhaps especially as Americans, to think that what is familiar, or what works for us, is the best solution for everyone. It is truly awe-inspiring to learn about other cultures and come to understand a frame of reference that is alien to our own....to come to believe - not just intellectually, but also viscerally - that there are many answers to some of life's most basic questions. And that learning from one another will only ever serve to better us all.

Parenting had, and continues to have, the same effect on my soul. What an irrational honor and responsibility to have the lives of little humans placed into our hands. Just looking into my children's eyes can bring me back, metaphorically speaking, to that hillside in Greece. How has this miracle landed in my path? How will I ever manage, unschooled and ill-equipped as I am, to guide their journey? Faced with this task I have felt so marvelously insignificant and so wonderfully vital. Simultaneously. What a humbling journey we share, this parenthood journey. May we genuinely share this journey, and find strength along the way as we learn from each other.

When I came across this photo of my two little ones at the very bottom of the giant Eiffel Tower, it seemed to capture this feeling of being infinitesimally small, and yet profoundly significant at the same time. Look at their joy. The innocence and capriciousness. They are care-free and unaware of the greatness above them. They explored, discovered and gave themselves wholly to the moment in front of them, only later coming to understand the significance of this early part of their journey.

Thank you, mountain top in Greece. Thank you, Paris. Thank you, my darling children. Thank you for giving me a delicious taste of this dish known as humility. I am always hungry for more.

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To New Moms....

 These days I only give "advice" in the form of "this is what has helped me." Plenty of experts out there to tell us all what to do. I try and just share, since my research data only covers my experience with two subjects...cute subjects, it's true. But let's be real, my "data" comes from a really small sample!

I was a "new mom" in 1987...

And again in 1990...

So, I guess that makes me an old mom now! All the things they say about time flying by are true...but if you're a mom and reading this and keeping a blog, you're already doing the important job of storing up treasured photos and memories as your family grows and changes. So I don't have to suggest you do that!

I just have two thoughts.

First of all ~ As a young mom, I made one vow. And by vow, I mean the "before God" kind of vow. I promised that I would never let my kids embarrass me. To me, the job of being a parent was never about how I measured up as a parent or how my kids measured up against other kids. All of our children will hit rough patches and do some troubling things. Our job, it seems to me, is about getting them through these times without adding to their load any pressure to make us look good.


Along with that ~ Let's try to give all the support and kindness we can to each other as parents. Maybe we wouldn't be so troubled about what others think about our parenting, if we only ever said nice things about each other's children. It's sad to me how often I hear moms talking badly about other kids. And how easy it is to slip into that pattern. No wonder we're all stressed. We're quick to point out what little Johnny down the street needs help with and how his parents aren't paying enough attention to him. etc. etc. etc. Well, I'm here to tell you share, that after 26 years of parenting....I cherish more than anything my friendships with people who I know love my kids for who they are and have, through their support and kindness, helped me along my parenting journey.

Here's to all the moms (old and new!) who've taken a moment to read this...I hope you LOVE your journey as much as I TREASURE mine!

Parenting Pet Peeve

Kids are people too. Even when they're really little people. Some are shy. Some have language barriers. Some are goofy and flip. But they're all people!

I always tried very hard to resist the temptation to answer for my kids (or on their behalf) while they were standing right there! Even if another adult asked them a question and they just stared blankly. Or mumbled. Jumping in and "talking for them" never helped anyone learn how to speak up or speak for themselves. I always imagined that chiming in, correcting (or embellishing) their stories or cleaning up the grammer or style of their speech....in front of others!!....MUST communicate to them that I don't consider them capable of expressing themselves. OR, that somehow I'm using them to impress others. Parenting, is, after all....NOT about us (the parents and how well we are or aren't doing our jobs) but it's about the kids. And they're people too! And will speak for themselves when given the chance.

I also stopped telling pee, poo, food, sleeping, sickness, behavior, and embarrassing narratives about my kids while they were anywhere within hearing distance at a very young age. Way under one year. THEY KNOW YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT THEM!! And they're people too! I tried to ask myself...would I want someone to be telling everyone in the room "this" about me? If not...it was time to button up. With silly, fun, happy stories...or tales of accomplishments...I tried to remember to ask them if it was ok to share the story before I did.
We all need parent support - friends with whom we can share our parenting challenges. But let's talk when our kids aren't around to hear us discussing them (goes for moms and dads too!!) I'm sure I failed to stick to this ideal at times...but this was a goal I had...and listening to parents talk for or about their kids right in front of them...well, that's truly a pet peeve of mine!

"Careful the things you say
Children will listen
Careful the things you do
Children will see and learn
Children may not obey, but children will listen
Children will look to you for which way to turn
To learn what to be
Careful before you say 'Listen to me'
Children will listen"

Stephen Sondheim

A Grown Up Moment

Today is Writer's Workshop at Mama Kats ~ I chose #1 The Moment I Realized I was a Grown Up
Visit and read other writers! http://www.mamakatslosinit.com/2011/04/the-hershey-bar/


I've always been a grown up. Had the hardest time with other kids (when I was one...not now. Or since I had two of my own). Perfect shoes. Perfect manners. Teacher's pet. "You're the kid our parents always wished we were" wrote someone in my highschool year book...just what I was hoping for. Not.

On the surface we were a country club family. We wore the right clothes, attended the right church, had those two kids, two cars and that dog. And, truth be told, we were really well cared for. All sorts of lessons, opportunities and a good education were provided. And there were summer nights, and baseball in the back yard, and a tree house...and I had barbie dolls and magical Christmas mornings. But somehow I lived it all as a little grown up. Never misbehaving, crossing the line, talking back or not doing what was expected of me. Well, almost never. Had to keep everyone happy....

Having kids and watching (letting) them be kids was magical for me. I enjoyed it so much...all the messiness and the unpredictability. The imagining, the playing, the fighting, the giggles. The unconditional acceptance. I was just mom. They didn't know who I was "supposed" to be ~ we just played barbies and built leggos and loved Arial and Pooh. I hope they enjoyed their childhood as much as I did! And we've grown through their adolesence and young adulthood together...arguements could be made, I'm sure, that I was a bit too much that "friend" and, perhaps, not as much of a "parent" as they might have needed at times. Just wanted (so much) for them to be happy....

I'll never forget the day ~ my kids were teenagers, and I'd been married (oh, I don't know) about 17 years or so. And my husband was in a bad mood. I was standing in our bedroom, the sun was shining through the windows and I was in a good mood (role reversal, as I'm the crabbier of the two of us!). It hit me. Hard. I had done nothing. I hadn't caused his mood (not that he would have ever blamed me for it!) and couldn't fix his mood. It wasn't my fault. I walked down the stairs, outside and looked up at the blue sky...just stood there and breathed in the moment. Maybe everyone else's happiness wasn't my responsibility.

Hmmm....maybe I hadn't always been much of a grown up at all.