That's always the word that comes to me when the light does its thing and brings a wooded path to life. Depth. And layers. Not fixed layers, like we find in a rock formation. Or an onion. But movable, translucent, and often mysterious layers. Light gives way to shadow, colors fade and flourish...and textures shift from leaf, to needle to branch to sky.... Layers.
Though my husband cautions me against the use of the words 'always' and 'never' ... I believe I can say that I always connect to the gratitude that lives in my heart when I walk in the woods. The outside-world and inside-brain noise that dims the voice of my heart falls away, and my true heart song fills the air. As the layers of the forest engulf me, my outer layers seem to peel away ... and I'm left to wander with the quiet me. The secure me. The contented and, yes, grateful me.
As the fluttering New England leaves lead me through this letting go season, I'm planning to share bits of my journaling here each day this month. I've chosen three phrases: Give Away, Give Access and Give Thanks. My hope is that, as I focus on these thoughts daily, layers will peel away ... old patterns will be discarded and new insights will shine their light on less frequently traveled pathways.
From this morning:
Give Away: Fear hides. Fear disguises itself as many, many other things. Busyness scares me - not because I won't rise to the occasion and get stuff done...but because I know I can so easily fall back into my default pattern of self last. And self last means that self-care gets the short end of the stick. Today I give away the thought that I haven't really changed. I let go of the fear that building more productivity into my life will compromise my health and wellness choices.
Give Access: The air is cool - no, crisp. Frost covers the ground. The sky is clear. I think "sharp" and "sharpen" - I'm energized. Aware. Senses are alert - awakened. Today is for lists. Pad and pen at the ready. Today I give access to ideas.
Give Thanks: My body is changing. My almost 56 year old body is growing stronger. Today I "feel" the results of the last few years. It's one thing to know it - to know behavior has changed - it's another thing to FEEL the strengthening. Today I am grateful for my body. And that's huge. I can probably count on one hand the times I've felt that in my life - not 'made myself think it' but just FELT it. And today is one of those days. Today I give thanks for this beautiful ol' body of mine.