A Grown Up Moment

Today is Writer's Workshop at Mama Kats ~ I chose #1 The Moment I Realized I was a Grown Up
Visit and read other writers! http://www.mamakatslosinit.com/2011/04/the-hershey-bar/


I've always been a grown up. Had the hardest time with other kids (when I was one...not now. Or since I had two of my own). Perfect shoes. Perfect manners. Teacher's pet. "You're the kid our parents always wished we were" wrote someone in my highschool year book...just what I was hoping for. Not.

On the surface we were a country club family. We wore the right clothes, attended the right church, had those two kids, two cars and that dog. And, truth be told, we were really well cared for. All sorts of lessons, opportunities and a good education were provided. And there were summer nights, and baseball in the back yard, and a tree house...and I had barbie dolls and magical Christmas mornings. But somehow I lived it all as a little grown up. Never misbehaving, crossing the line, talking back or not doing what was expected of me. Well, almost never. Had to keep everyone happy....

Having kids and watching (letting) them be kids was magical for me. I enjoyed it so much...all the messiness and the unpredictability. The imagining, the playing, the fighting, the giggles. The unconditional acceptance. I was just mom. They didn't know who I was "supposed" to be ~ we just played barbies and built leggos and loved Arial and Pooh. I hope they enjoyed their childhood as much as I did! And we've grown through their adolesence and young adulthood together...arguements could be made, I'm sure, that I was a bit too much that "friend" and, perhaps, not as much of a "parent" as they might have needed at times. Just wanted (so much) for them to be happy....

I'll never forget the day ~ my kids were teenagers, and I'd been married (oh, I don't know) about 17 years or so. And my husband was in a bad mood. I was standing in our bedroom, the sun was shining through the windows and I was in a good mood (role reversal, as I'm the crabbier of the two of us!). It hit me. Hard. I had done nothing. I hadn't caused his mood (not that he would have ever blamed me for it!) and couldn't fix his mood. It wasn't my fault. I walked down the stairs, outside and looked up at the blue sky...just stood there and breathed in the moment. Maybe everyone else's happiness wasn't my responsibility.

Hmmm....maybe I hadn't always been much of a grown up at all.