Some of my earliest memories are of loneliness.
If I was to pick one word to describe my childhood
it would be lonely.
Or maybe different.
I felt, believed ... and was told .... that I was different from others.
I think those who told me I was different were trying to make me feel special.
Somehow better.
It just made me feel different.
When I look back, the burning desire to belong,
to find friends and approval,
guided (or misguided?)
many of my life choices.
These days,
when I step out of my house and set off on a long walk
I am alone.
Not only physically alone,
but without many of the voices that used to fill my mind.
Without the shoulds.
Without the if onlys.
Without the what are other's thinking.
I step onto my favorite path, and see new flowers.
Little purple flowers.
And they are easily company enough.
After I snap a few shots and continue on my way a huge smile fills my heart.
It still comes as such a surprise to me
how much I love to be alone.
I can't even remember the last time I felt lonely.
If I was to pick one word to describe my childhood
it would be lonely.
Or maybe different.
I felt, believed ... and was told .... that I was different from others.
I think those who told me I was different were trying to make me feel special.
Somehow better.
It just made me feel different.
When I look back, the burning desire to belong,
to find friends and approval,
guided (or misguided?)
many of my life choices.
These days,
when I step out of my house and set off on a long walk
I am alone.
Not only physically alone,
but without many of the voices that used to fill my mind.
Without the shoulds.
Without the if onlys.
Without the what are other's thinking.
I step onto my favorite path, and see new flowers.
Little purple flowers.
And they are easily company enough.
After I snap a few shots and continue on my way a huge smile fills my heart.
It still comes as such a surprise to me
how much I love to be alone.
I can't even remember the last time I felt lonely.
I can really identify with your thoughts here. While, yes, people probably meant to let you know how unique you were, those labels still shape us. It's really freeing when you get to the places of finally seeing your own value and contribution. Not feeling like you need to measure up to some agreed upon standard. I used to be embarrassed (only because others made me feel it was weak) by my introverted nature, but now it is quite en vogue. LOL.
ReplyDeletebeing alone and being lonely are two completely different feelings!! ......you know that!!
ReplyDeletei have always told my children, "it is better to be home alone, then to be home and wish you were alone"!!
sometimes i think, you are the only persone who does not realize how amazing you are!!
I feel like I could have written this - you seem to describe me. Thanks.
ReplyDeleteThis is beautiful....and those purple flowers are a great find!
ReplyDeleteSo wise. Yea you!
ReplyDeleteGorgeous thoughts - I am so glad your aloneness is a one you are comfortable with!
ReplyDeleteGorgeous photography of nature's gems and I can certainly relate to your post ~ I am widowed and still relatively young and 'loneliness' creeps in sometimes and I know it is a good thing to be able to be alone and for the most part I am fine ~ your post I needed to receive today ~ thanks ~ xoxo
ReplyDeleteartmusedog and carol (A Creative Harbor)
Beautiful photograph and I love the quote. Absolutely, there is a great difference between being alone and being lonely. I wish I had more alone time.
ReplyDeleteawesome photos - great words - warm and reflective - and I agree - solitude rocks!
ReplyDeleteSo glad you have quieted those voices.
ReplyDeleteThe photos are seriously fabulous. I am amazed by the way you were able to completely focus on the flowers in the foreground and get the background to mellow and pull back. You are so good!
I always look forward to your writer's workshop entries. I love how you tied in that quote!
ReplyDeleteIt is a great comfort to know there are so many of us who have felt and feel the same way about the beauty of aloneness - your prose is wonderful, and I love the quote too.
ReplyDelete