Every mother knows. Once a mama, always a mama. It doesn't matter how old they get or how far away they roam. It doesn't matter if they're getting on your nerves or handing you a bouquet of freshly picked weeds. It just doesn't matter. There is nothing that ever lessens the hold they have on our heart. No amount of foot stomping or teen-aged shenanigans or strong arming or keep out signs or 'I hate yous' ... there's just nothing that will ever make us not a mama once we've become one.
My son was sick yesterday. His twenty-five year old self was spiking an awful fever and was just laid-out-on-the-couch miserable. And I had to laugh at myself. I felt so bad for the kid - two days off from work, and he had to be feeling so awful that he didn't even want to watch TV. I laugh at myself because I, like you, hate it when their lives hit bumps. I find myself wishing for a magic wand that could just make all their "suffering" disappear. My worst mama moments have been those moments when there's just nothing I can do. When I can't reduce their fever, or pay their over-due bill, or stop the other kid from being mean to them... Yesterday, I just wanted to make him "all better."
And yesterday I was reminded that his bad day was, in fact, still a day. A day in his life. And that I still have him. Even if I can't fix the hard stuff, I can help him to get through it. Even without a magic wand, I get to walk with him, laugh with him, cry with him....and yes, even suffer with him. Because I still have him.
Yesterday, a college friend of mine, had to face the sixth anniversary of her son's death. As I watched my son sleeping under the warmth of the afternoon sun, it wasn't hard to realize what I'd really do if I had a magic wand. Yesterday, I wouldn't have used the wand to put an end to the annoying fever that was stealing pleasure from a young man who wanted to enjoy his day off. No. Yesterday I would have waved my wand for another mama. For a mother who has taught me, through her grief, that not even the death of a child will make us not a mama once we've become one.
Yesterday, I wish I could have waved a wand and given her one more day of temperature taking. One more opportunity to nag the boy and get him to drink his fluids. One more afternoon to watch him sleep on the couch. One more miserable, awful, feverish, fitful, wonderful day with her boy.
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Love for a child is the only unconditional love I can fathom. That loss is not one I could ever recover from. I'd wave a magic wand for your friend too. No mother should have to experience that separation.
ReplyDeletevery touching - and so true.
ReplyDeleteHope he's feeling better. Amazing how a sick day gives you perspective!
ReplyDeleteWhat great perspective.
ReplyDeleteTears for your friends and joyful ones for is lucky enought to share the bad and good days with our "babies".
ReplyDeleteBeing a mama, I totally understand this, and knowing from watching my mother on the loss of my sister, as well as a few other close friends and family that have lost children as well, as if only there were a magic wand. All we can do is be thankful we have them, love them and show them, every day.
ReplyDeleteThis post hit too close to home. I just endured my second year without my daughter. At the most joyous time of her life... as a mother, a nurse, a loving daughter... her life was taken by her husband. I lost her and if I had a magic wand I'd bring her back, even for a day. To hold, hug, and love her. You are right. Once a mama, always a mama. I know I will have my daughter again, someday, as she will have her children again. Faith and hope are the things that get us through these difficult times. I wish I could give your friend a hug, too!I know how it feels.
ReplyDeleteoooo so true, I always tried to make things better and both my boys see it as my biggest fault. That I did not let them fall enough!! Loving and letting go, I guess I never really figured it out!!
ReplyDeleteOhhh this is so sweet and inspirational for me who isn't a mom yet. You are one great Mom. Your children/child are/is blessed (sorry for my ignorance).
ReplyDeleteOh you are SO right...they're our babies forever. My daughter was sick last week and from 100 miles away, I felt helpless and sorry that I couldn't take her some popsicles and soup and jello like I did when she was a little girl. I'm so sorry for your friend's loss - I can't even imagine...
ReplyDeleteWhat a sweet friend you are. Stopping by from mama kats kelley at the road goes ever ever on
ReplyDeletewow- what a simply amazing post - and seeing the big son on the couch was a great capture - but then your tender words and reflections were heart piercing - and warm wishes to your friend who lost her son… <3 <3
ReplyDeleteOh Adrienne, what a wonderful post. As a mother, I find your words so touching and tender and true. What is so beautiful too is seeing your 25 year-old son on your couch. I can only hope my sons do the same when they fall ill and need some comforting at that age. My heart aches for your friend...
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