fifty-four

"Goals transform a random walk into a chase."

Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi

My fifty-fourth year on this planet is complete. Complete with love and family. I could just stop right there. I am loved. My husband and I celebrated our thirtieth wedding anniversary this year. It's a wonder-full thing to be able to say that we are closer to one another and happier together than we've ever been. Our family is healthy, strong, close. We go through things, sometimes tough things, and emerge with softer hearts and closer connections on the other side. Yes, this alone 'completes' me.

As I look back over the year, I am also struck by how many genuinely wonderful friendships I share with an eclectic collection of remarkable humans! From dear old friends, to heart-connected-cyber friends, to best of best friends .... all the way to some brand new friends who will make this year one that I'll always remember. Wow. Even writing that humbles me. I am blessed beyond measure.

This year has been marked by change. Somewhere, deep down inside of me, a shift has occurred. I've gone from living with my health and well-being last on my list, to prioritizing the 'care and feeding' of me! I could fill a book with the attempts that I've made over all the years of my life to make this vital change take place....but I'll just say as I head into my fifty-fifth year, I'm living in my body in a way that I never have. And this is good. Oh, so good.

It has taken many years and the unconditional love of many people to bring me to this point. Every attempt, every crazy health choice I've made, have all contributed to me being ready for the journey that I am on today. I celebrate my birthday today with all of the pieces of these fifty four years - the pieces that still fit in today's picture, and the pieces that I've had to cast aside. Every moment, every morsel contributes to who I am as I type these words. And for that - for all the pieces - I am grateful.

One of the many things I've learned this year as I wander around "my" pond, is that having a goal changes my time outside in nature. If I head over to the pond hoping to spot the swans, or capture the heron, or see a spectacular sunset...well, I'm pretty sure I miss more than I actually see. I loose all sense of being in the moment, of appreciating whatever might cross my path. I find myself getting tense and sacrificing the fun and the joy that come from being in one of my favorite places. When I walk with no camera, I just keep moving and let the place work it's magic. When I carry my camera, I tend to follow the light - whatever the sun is showing me that day, I pause to capture it.

I've tried to carry this lesson into my daily life where goals, deadlines and responsibilities tend to pile up and become the norm...become the elements that structure my world. My prayer for this coming year is to continue to learn the art of staying in the moment ... not only in my unstructured wanderings, but also through my ordinary days. Not instead of living responsibly, but as I live responsibly. I find myself eager to pursue growth without chasing it down or imposing artificial deadlines in the process.

So, on this chilly, gray and rainy November 17th, I send this off into the blogosphere with a smile on my face, and gratitude - so much gratitude - in my heart.

Joining Tamar for

The Good. The Random. The Fun.